A Lyrical Response to Sherry Jones' "Jewel of Medina"

To the tune of “When I was a Lad”
From “HMS Pinafore”,
By Gilbert & Sullivan

I looked for a way to build my fame
And make sure that the world would know my name
My efforts all were failures and I must confess
I haven’t any genius and my talent’s less
(Ev’rything I tried at was an awful mess!)
But irritating the Islamic community
I’ll make myself a millionaire celebrity!

Now, Rushdie I will grant you is a brilliant man
And all the furor set off wasn’t in his plan,
But when he got his fatwa and was forced to hide
His sales were astronomicàlly multiplied
(His sales and recognition reached the sky worldwide)
And when the Ayatollah cried out for his head
Sir Salman hid beneath a very comfy bed.

When Ayaan Hirsi Ali lied to join the Dutch
She found that lying more could lead to very much
She lied about her background and her family
And then declared that Islam’s just misogyny.
(She swore that Muslim women never could be free)
And now she’s sitting very pretty in New York
With magnums of champagne and fancy cuts of pork.

A bodice ripper hacked out by Ms. Sherry Jones
Relates the life of A`isha in breathless tones
Professor Spellman called the research weak
And suggested it could put some Muslims in a pique
(This made the unknown writer the star of the week!)
And now the blogosphere is roiling angrily
For one hack writer symbolizing all that’s free.

The formula for fame is really very clear
I’m writing ‘bout the prophet as a drunken queer
And when my book’s rejected as a load of piss
I’ll blame my failure on the fear of terrorists.
(Fox News will have me on and boost my sales for this!)
And even though my writing is a lying mess
I’ll be declared a hero for the open press.